Psychoanalysis

Psychoanalysis and psychodynamic therapy focus on helping people change by identifying their unconscious thoughts and feelings. They also look at how the relationship between patient and therapist may resemble other relationships in a person’s life. By exploring this relationship, patients can learn about themselves and develop healthier behaviors with others.

Behavior Therapy

This approach is common when working with people with anxiety disorders. Therapists using this type of approach examine what happens before, during, and after a person’s behavior and then use specific interventions to change that behavior. Exposure therapy is one type of behavior therapy where a therapist exposes a person to something anxiety-provoking (such as an escalator in the case of a phobia of heights). When a person is experiencing anxiety, the therapist helps him or her cope using relaxation techniques. Exposure can be done in a number of different ways, such as gradually, all at once (flooding), using imagination (imaginal exposure), or in real life (in vivo).

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT was developed from behavior therapy and focuses on changing dysfunctional thoughts and beliefs. CBT assumes that thoughts lead to emotions, which leads to behaviors, and you can change people’s emotions and behaviors by changing their thoughts. This approach is effective for treating a number of different conditions, such as anxiety, depression, and addiction.

Humanistic

There are several different approaches that fall within the category of humanistic, such as person-centered, existential, and gestalt. These therapies all share the common goal of self-actualization, which means helping people realize their full potential. For example, person-centered therapy encourages each person’s unique capacity for change by developing a positive therapeutic relationship. Therapists practice unconditional positive regard (non-judgement), empathy, and congruence (therapists are transparent and viewed as fellow humans, rather than experts). Many other forms of therapy, like CBT, use principles of person-centered therapy. Existential therapy assumes that all humans struggle with death, meaning, isolation, and freedom. This approach promotes self-awareness and growth. Gestalt therapy focuses on the present and encourages people to re-enact experiences in-session, rather than simply talk about them.

Psychotherapy is a process of self-growth and healing that unfolds when you have a safe, positive, and professional relationship with a therapist. Making the decision to go to psychotherapy is a step on the road to recovery.

For more information on psychotherapy:

American Psychological Association. (2019). Different approaches to psychotherapy.

American Psychological Association. (2019). Protecting your privacy: Understanding confidentiality.

American Psychological Association. (2019). Understanding psychotherapy and how it works. 

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What is therapy?

Psychotherapy, or therapy for short, is an approach to mental health treatment that involves sitting down with a licensed mental health professional to talk through whatever issues you are facing. The specific way in which a therapist helps a client work through their problems depends upon their approach. There are several different ways that mental health professionals can approach treating perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.

Therapy for perinatal mental health issues can be carried out by mental health professionals, like psychologists, social workers, or counselors. These are therapists that have undergone several years of education and training in the field of psychotherapy. Psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners typically prescribe medication, but in some cases may also provide therapy.

If you are struggling with perinatal mental health issues, like pre- or postnatal anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), then you can benefit from therapy. For some people, therapy alone may be enough to reduce their symptoms and recover. However, other women may need to take a multi-disciplinary approach that combines other types of treatment with psychotherapy. This may involve taking medication, receiving medical treatment from a physician, and/or attending a support group. 

How can therapy help me?

Psychotherapy provides you with a safe and private space to talk about whatever you are feeling with a trained professional. Therapy can help you recover from perinatal mood and anxiety disorders by:

• Developing a supportive relationship with a therapist
• Helping you develop insight into your feelings
• Changing the way you think about specific situations
• Learning new ways to cope with your feelings
• Identifying solutions to problems

Unlike talking to friends or family, a therapist is bound by laws and ethics to keep your discussions confidential. This means that a therapist cannot reveal what you have shared in session without your permission, except in cases where you are at risk of harming yourself or someone else or in some cases of abuse. 

The relationship between a client and therapist is important for having a successful therapeutic experience. To benefit from therapy, you must feel comfortable opening up to your therapist. A good therapist will challenge you, but also convey warmth, empathy, and understanding. 

Over the past several decades, many studies have found that therapy is effective for treating mental health disorders. In fact, 75% of people who go to therapy find it to be beneficial. Psychotherapy is therefore an effective treatment if you are dealing with emotional issues, including prenatal and postpartum mental health disorders, as well as struggles with fertility and grief and loss. 

Types of therapy for perinatal mental health

There are several different ways to approach treating perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Therapists may utilize one or more of these approaches together to treat mental health conditions.

Cognitive behavioral

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a practical and goal-oriented therapy that focuses on helping you change unhealthy thoughts and beliefs. CBT assumes that your thoughts affect your emotions, which in turn also affect your behaviors. By changing your thoughts, you are then able to change how you feel and respond to life’s stressors. CBT also teaches you tools for dealing with negative feelings and stress so that you can cope more effectively. 

Interpersonal

Interpersonal therapy (IPT) is a brief form of treatment for depression that typically lasts 12 to 16 sessions. IPT assumes that depression is caused by relationship problems, like complicated grief, difficulty coping with role transitions (such as the adjustment to parenthood), conflict with one’s self or others, and isolation. An IPT therapist helps you identify one or two specific problem areas and work on ways to improve them. IPT clients often find that improving their relationships also helps improve their depression.

Behavioral

Behavior therapy is based on the premise that unhealthy behaviors can be learned and therefore changed. This approach helps people change their negative behaviors and replace them with more positive ones. There are several different types of behavior therapy. Exposure therapy is one type that is effective for treating anxiety disorders. It involves exposing clients to something that makes them feel anxious, while teaching them ways to cope so they don’t avoid these things in the future. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is another type of behavior therapy that helps clients learn ways to deal with stress and other negative emotions, develop mindfulness skills, and improve their relationships. 

Psychodynamic

Psychodynamic therapy focuses on how a person’s unconscious thoughts and feelings influence their present behaviors. It helps you better understand how your past is affecting you in the present. This greater understanding and awareness leads to symptom relief. Psychodynamic therapy can be short or long-term depending upon what the client needs. 

Humanistic

Humanistic therapy is an approach that focuses on the here-and-now, rather than the past. The goal of humanistic approaches is to help clients reach their maximum potential. Humanistic therapists use empathy and support to create a safe therapeutic relationship. Most therapists utilize humanistic approaches in their work with clients and combine it with other approaches.

Therapeutic modalities

In addition to different approaches to therapy, there are also different modalities to consider. Each modality provides its own unique benefits. You can choose to participate in one or more of these modalities at the same time. 

Individual therapy

Individual therapy is the most common modality and the one that most people prefer to take at first. It involves sitting one-on-one with a therapist. The focus of sessions is on your specific thoughts, feelings, experiences, and symptoms. In individual, the therapist is able to focus on you and does not have to share their attention with other people like in group or family therapy. Many people find this approach to be the least stressful, as they only have to worry about revealing themselves to one person, the therapist. 

Group therapy

During group therapy, a trained mental health professional leads a group for several clients at the same time. Some groups focus on a specific topic, like past trauma or stress management. Process groups are another type of therapy group that allow clients the freedom to discuss and work through whatever issues arise. There are several benefits of group therapy, including:

• Giving and receiving support and advice
• Developing connections with other people
• Seeing people at various points in the change process, which can provide hope
• An opportunity to practice social skills in a safe and supportive environment

Group therapy can be helpful either on its own or in conjunction with individual. 

Family and couples therapy

Family or couples therapy can be helpful if your issues or symptoms are related to problems in your relationships. In this modality, you and your partner and/or other family members sit down with a therapist to talk about your particular issues. Common problems that are discussed in family and couples treatment include poor communication, parenting differences, misunderstandings, intimacy issues, and infidelity. A good family or couples therapist will try to understand the particular issue(s) and help you address them in a more effective way that is satisfying to all parties involved. 

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Suffering from a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder can be distressing. Fortunately, therapy is an effective form of treatment for treating these conditions. If you are considering therapy, you will want to think about what modality and type of approach you would like to try. Getting treatment can not only help you recover, but also feel more positive about your pregnancy or postpartum experience.

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What can I expect from my older child when a new sibling arrives?

Children vary in how they react to a new sibling. Your child’s reaction to a new baby will likely depend upon their age and maturity level, ability to understand the change, and how you guide them through this adjustment.

It is common for children to display emotions like anger, jealousy, and sadness upon the arrival of a new baby. Temper tantrums are also common, especially among toddlers. Children may also shift between positive and negative reactions. At times it may feel like an emotional roller coaster, but rest assured that these reactions are normal. 

There is no way to predict exactly how a child will respond to a new baby, but there are common reactions you might see among certain age groups. 

Under two years old

Children in this age group are too young to understand the concept of a younger sibling. However, they may notice a shift in their normal routine and have reactions to that. Children this age may show interest in the new baby and excitement about being an older sibling. At the same time, they may also exhibit temper tantrums, anger, and regressions in their behavior. For example, a child that was previously potty trained or sleep trained may start having accidents or waking up at night. These regressions are common and normal.

Two to four years old

By this age your child will have grown a lot and have some ability to communicate how they are feeling. Children this age may show interest and excitement in a new baby, as well as jealousy over how much attention the new baby receives. Like the earlier age group, regressions are common, especially because children this age may have recently gone through potty training. 

Five years and older

Children this age are likely to understand what having a new sibling means and may see how some of their friends have adjusted to being big sisters or brothers. It’s not uncommon for older children to want a sibling, so they may have positive feelings about a new baby. They also may be well established in their routines, which can help them with this adjustment. If your child is already in school, this may serve as a good distraction. However, jealousy can still come up from time to time.

How should I introduce a new sibling to my family?

During pregnancy

Introducing a new sibling to the family often starts before the baby arrives. While pregnant or awaiting adoption, you can help your older child get to know their new sibling by talking about the baby’s arrival and answering any questions. If you’re pregnant, you can encourage your child to sing or read to your belly, share ultrasound photos, and ask for their help preparing the nursery. You can also role play how to care for a newborn and encourage your child to practice on dolls or stuffed animals. Just like you are developing a bond with your new baby before their arrival, so too can your older child.

If possible, plan any big changes, like transitioning out of their crib, potty training, or switching caretakers, several months prior to or after the baby arrives. Too many changes at once can be overwhelming, so giving your child time to adjust well before or after becoming an older sibling can be helpful. 

After birth

When it comes to the first meeting, you may choose to have your older child come to the hospital or wait until you arrive home. Either way, try to keep your older child’s routine as normal as possible during your absence and in the initial days home. This can be very difficult with a newborn, so if possible enlist the help of family and friends. Some parents also find success in having the older child “buy” the new baby a present and presenting it to them during their first meeting. You can also have the new baby “buy” their older sibling a gift.

If your child seems uninterested initially, don’t fret. The initial meeting is not necessarily an indication of their future relationship. Bonding takes time, so allow some space for their relationship to evolve naturally. 

Tips for helping an older child adjust to a new sibling

Depending on your child’s age, you can take additional steps to help them adjust to their new sibling.

Under two years old

• A child in this age group will have limited communication skills and ability to understand these changes. Even though children may struggle to understand what is happening, you should still make efforts to discuss the upcoming change with them. 
• Introduce books that talk about siblings and family and/or give your child a doll to practice on. 

Two to four years old

• Children this age have been used to having more of your attention for the past few years, so this is a big change for them. Be sure to set aside alone time with your older children to ease this adjustment. 
• Providing books and dolls can help them understand the changes that are happening in their world. 
• If possible, allow your older child to stay up a little later at night than their younger sibling. You can use this time to read books together, watch television, or cuddle with one another.
• Ask for their assistance with small tasks around the house and praise them for their efforts.

Five years and older

• Older children are usually aware of the changes happening and can benefit from being included as much as possible in new family life.
• Ask for help with small tasks around the house and caring for the baby.
• Try to keep their routine as normal as possible. 
• If your child expresses jealousy, point out some of the benefits of being older, like being able to go to the park and eat “real” food.
• Like younger age groups, make an effort to spend one-on-one time with your older child.

As a parent, it can be difficult to see your children struggle with adjustments. Remember that adjustments like having a new sibling take time and your child’s initial reaction to their sibling is not necessarily an indication of their future relationship.

Frequently asked questions (FAQ)

How do I handle my older child’s jealousy of a new sibling?

It can be difficult to see your older child feel jealous toward a new family member. Remember that negative feelings like jealousy are normal when you bring home a new baby. This is a big adjustment for everyone in the family. Consider the following when addressing your child’s jealousy:

• Try to offer your older child lots of compassion and understanding.
• Acknowledge, rather than ignore these feelings. You can say “I see that sometimes you like the new baby and other times you don’t.”
• Offer a solution when you can. For example, “you’re upset that I’m feeding the baby again. Let’s color in a little while when I’m done. Can you get the crayons ready?”
• Make alone time for your older child when you can. You can make this time precious by calling it “mommy and (name of your older child) time.”

Should I punish my older child for acting out?

In general, reinforcing a child’s positive behaviors is more effective than punishing their bad behaviors. When possible, acknowledge times that your older child is being gentle, patient, or helpful with their new sibling. When your child does act out, consider the following approach:

• Start by trying to understand the feelings motivating the behavior. Is your child feeling jealous or craving more attention? This can indicate more of what your child needs from you.
• Next, try to express empathy and understanding for what your child is feeling.
• If your child is demonstrating bad behavior that isn’t dangerous, you can try ignoring it. Attention can be very reinforcing, so ignoring the behavior will show your child that their behavior will not lead to more attention.
• If your child is engaging in bad behavior that could be dangerous or harmful, you will have to intervene. Step in by removing them from the situation and provide a brief explanation of why the behavior is dangerous. For example, “Throwing blocks at the baby can hurt. We’re going to go into another room until you’re ready to stop.”
• Stay firm with your rules. Children can get easily confused by mixed messages, so be sure to remain consistent with how you approach their behavior.

What if my older child regresses?

Regressions to “baby-like” behavior are normal responses to stress when a new sibling arrives. An older child may begin sucking their thumb again, having toilet accidents, or drinking from a bottle. Children may want to mimic the baby in order to get more attention from you. Try to be patient with these regressions and provide your child with lots of love, affection, and understanding. At the same time you can remind them of the benefits of being older and encourage them to share their favorite thing about their current age. You may have to re-teach certain skills, like potty training, but your child will most likely master these skills again rather quickly. 

What can I do if my toddler is jealous of breastfeeding?

Older children, especially toddlers, may be jealous of a younger sibling breastfeeding. These feelings can stem from frustration that your attention is focused on the new baby and their normal routine is being disrupted. Jealousy, anger, temper tantrums, and regression during this time are all normal. 

• If your toddler is curious about breastfeeding, invite them to ask questions. You can explain that they were also once breast-fed, if that was the case, and that this is how babies eat. Children may feel satisfied knowing that they too shared in this special experience, but now they are bigger and no longer need to rely on mom for milk. 
• You can help your toddler cope with breastfeeding by involving them in the process in some way. For example, you can ask for their help setting up a pillow or putting a blanket on the baby. Children will likely feel proud that they are able to help, which can help offset jealousy. 
• You can also try to make the experience special for your toddler by inviting them to snuggle with you and their younger sibling while you nurse. You can use this time to read a book or watch a television show together. This can help children feel included, which can help reduce jealousy. 
• If your toddler asks to nurse too, you may consider allowing them to breastfeed at the same time as your baby, but this is a personal choice. Once a child’s curiosity is satisfied, they are likely to lose interest and move on.

Remember that there are many adjustments that come with having a new baby in the family. Toddlers are likely to react to breastfeeding in the beginning, but over time will see this as a normal part of the new family routine. For more information on breastfeeding, see the Office on Women’s Health.

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What is stranger anxiety?

Stranger anxiety is the fear, anxiety, and distress that young children experience when exposed to unfamiliar people. Many children, especially infants and toddlers, experience stranger anxiety. For most children, it first starts around seven to eight months old and gradually subsides by two years old. However, some children may show signs as early as six months old. Stranger anxiety usually peaks around 12 to 15 months. 

Before six months old, most infants show little reaction to being around strangers. However, by seven to eight months they begin to develop a strong preference for their parents or primary caregivers. When exposed to strangers, they may become anxious and react by crying, fussing, and yearning for the people that make them feel safest. For example, a child may become upset when a stranger makes a silly face at them and cling to their parents for safety. Seeing or being held by their caregivers can help them calm down. 

Stranger anxiety is similar to, but different from, separation anxiety, which occurs when children feel anxious or upset by being separated from their parents or primary caregivers. Children can experience both separation and stranger anxiety at the same time.

Is stranger anxiety normal?

Stranger anxiety is a normal part of development and is not generally a cause for concern. Around seven to eight months old, infants begin to distinguish between what is familiar and unfamiliar. Prior to this age they do not have this skill. This can cause distress when they realize that they’re in the presence of someone unfamiliar. 

Most children experience stranger anxiety at some point, but they can vary widely in how they react to strangers. Some infants may become mildly upset, while others may become hysterical. The intensity and length of stranger anxiety differs from child to child. 

Stranger anxiety doesn’t only happen around complete strangers. Children may show signs of stranger anxiety when they’re around other people that they see often, like grandparents. Some children may even prefer one parent over another. For example, a child may become upset when left alone with the parent that they see the least often. If your child is showing signs of stranger anxiety and under two years old, rest assured that this behavior is normal. 

How can I help my child cope with stranger anxiety?

In many cases there is no way to avoid stranger anxiety, but there are steps you can take to minimize it and also help children calm down faster. Remember that stranger anxiety doesn’t only happen with complete strangers. It can also occur in the presence of familiar people, like parents, grandparents, babysitters, or daycare providers. 

If your child is appearing anxious or fearful around others, you can help by:

Educating relatives and others who interact with your baby about stranger anxiety

They may be upset by the fact that your baby is suddenly afraid of them. Explain that this is a normal developmental stage and will likely pass over time. Ask for their patience with your child and provide them with guidance on how to help. 

Providing support and reassurance to your child

Hold your child close to you and remind them that they are safe. Even if your child is too young to understand, your body language and tone of voice can communicate love and reassurance. This simple act can help your child calm down faster. If they continue to appear distressed, you can take them to another room where the two of you can be alone. Once your child is calm and relaxed, you can slowly transition back to being around other people, all while continuing to provide support. 

Continue to introduce them to new people

It can be tempting to avoid exposing your child to strangers during this stage. However, completely avoiding social situations can actually worsen the anxiety over time. Instead, make an effort to expose your child to new people on a regular basis while you’re present. Of course do so slowly and gently. This will help your child become more used to strangers and comfortable in social settings. 

To help reduce a child’s stranger anxiety, you will want to help them become more comfortable with other caregivers. If you’re leaving your child with a babysitter or relative, be sure to:

Have the sitter arrive early

This will give your child a chance to warm up to the new person. You can start by interacting with your child and the sitter and then gradually moving away so they can interact with one another without you. It may help to allow at least 30 minutes for this transition period. 

Encourage them to give the child space at first

Rather than rushing in and picking up or hugging your child, ask that relatives and sitters maintain some distance at first. This will give your child a chance to warm up at their own pace. 

Don’t draw out your goodbye

After you’ve given your child sufficient time (at least 30 minutes) to warm up to their new caretaker, say goodbye and leave. Your child may cry initially in an effort to get you to stay, but they will most likely calm down within a few minutes. Ask your sitter to contact you if your child continues to cry after 30 minutes. 

Remember to practice patience with yourself and your child. It will take time for them to work through stranger anxiety and become more comfortable around other people.

When is it time to seek help?

While stranger anxiety is a normal part of development, it may be a sign of a mental health disorder if it continues beyond two years old. If your child shows signs of any of the following, be sure to discuss your concerns with their pediatrician. 

Reactive attachment disorder

Reactive attachment disorder can occur in children who grow up in unstable environments. For example, children raised in foster care or abusive homes may be at risk. Children with this disorder may appear uncomfortable and withdrawn around adults. They are unlikely to seek comfort from adults when they’re upset and can often appear sad, irritable, and afraid. Children must show these signs before age five in order to be diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder. 

Childhood anxiety disorders

If your child seems to be mainly anxious about people and being in social settings, then they may be showing signs of social anxiety disorder. A child with this condition will either avoid social situations entirely, like school and play dates, or endure them with significant distress. If your child is feeling anxious about more than just being around people and also experiencing other symptoms, like fatigue, irritability, and trouble concentrating, then they may be showing signs of generalized anxiety disorder. In both of these cases, a child’s anxiety is so severe that it affects how they live their lives and interferes with how they function at school and interact with family and friends. 

If you’re concerned that your child may have more than just stranger anxiety, you can start by speaking with your child’s pediatrician, who will be able to assess your child further and determine whether their behavior is normal for their age or a sign of an underlying anxiety condition. They may suggest that you take your child to see a mental health professional, like a psychiatrist or therapist. They will be able to further evaluate and treat your child.

What type of treatment is available?

If your child is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, treatment may include medication, therapy, or both. Medications are used in some cases of severe anxiety with children. If your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist feels that they would benefit from medication, they will discuss the pros, cons, and options with you.

There are different types of therapy that are effective at treating anxiety in children. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a popular treatment for childhood anxiety. It focuses on changing unhealthy cognitions, which are thoughts and beliefs that contribute to anxiety. CBT can help the child replace unhealthy thoughts and beliefs with more healthy ones. Children will also learn tools and skills to help decrease their anxiety.

Play therapy and family therapy may also be used to treat childhood anxiety or reactive attachment disorder. During play therapy, therapists utilize techniques to help children express themselves and deal with emotional issues using the act of play. Therapists should be certified or specialize in this area.

Family therapy involves meeting with a therapist to work through family issues and improve communication. When children are involved, therapists may help educate parents on parenting techniques and encourage a healthier relationship between parent and child. 

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Stranger anxiety is a normal development stage that begins around seven months old and typically resolves around two years old. Parents and caregivers can help support children during this time by practicing patience, easing children into introductions with strangers, and making efforts to soothe them when they become anxious. In most cases stranger anxiety is not a cause for concern. However, if it continues beyond two years old and is severe, it may be a sign of another disorder.

The post Stranger Danger: Helping Babies Cope with Stranger Anxiety appeared first on The Mindful Mommy.

Though having an unplanned pregnancy can be challenging, there are steps you can take to help cope with the experience:

1. Acknowledge your feelings

Finding out that you’re pregnant may cause many different emotions. There’s no right way to react to a pregnancy. If your pregnancy isn’t planned you may find yourself feeling upset or worried about this news. These negative feelings can lead to guilt, since pregnancy is expected to be a happy event.

Whether you are feeling positive or negative about your pregnancy, your emotions are normal. The first step in coping with an unplanned pregnancy is recognizing these feelings and giving yourself permission to feel them.  

If you’re having a hard time getting in touch with your emotions, try some quiet time in self-reflection. You could consider journaling, writing poetry, meditation, or creating art or music. This can help you begin the process of acknowledging and coping with these feelings.

2. Know your options

Understanding your options can help you make a decision about how to proceed with your pregnancy. If you’re pregnant, you may consider the following options:

Parenting

You may choose to proceed with your pregnancy and care for your baby. 

Adoption

You may consider continuing with your pregnancy and finding another family to adopt the baby. This can be a hard decision, since you may develop a bond during the pregnancy. Adoption may be an option for you if you don’t feel ready to be a parent and would like to help another couple grow their family. If you’re considering adoption, you may be able to choose how involved you will be in the child’s life.

Abortion/termination of the pregnancy

You may decide to terminate the pregnancy if you don’t feel ready to parent and also don’t feel prepared to carry out a pregnancy. This can be a difficult decision for many reasons, especially if this decision conflicts with your moral beliefs. If you’re struggling with this decision, it can be helpful to speak with a non-biased person, like a therapist, who can help you weigh the pros and cons.

If you’re struggling to make a decision about how to proceed, you can seek more information or support to help you. 

For more information about terminating a pregnancy, you can speak with your OB-GYN. They will be able to advise you about whether your state can provide this service, how it is done, and whether you have to make this decision within a certain time-frame. You can also find more information through Planned Parenthood.  

For more information about adoption, you can speak with an adoption attorney or agency. They will be able to explain the adoption process and answer your questions. You can also see the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Child Welfare Information Gateway, which offers guidance on the different types of adoption (e.g. open vs. closed), your rights as a birth parent, creating an adoption plan, and finding an adoption agency or lawyer.

Whether you already chose an option or are still deciding, it’s important to get prenatal care in the meantime. Be sure to schedule an appointment with an OB-GYN, midwife, or women’s health clinic. 

3. Give yourself time to accept the unplanned pregnancy

It’s okay to feel unprepared and caught off guard when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. Even if you choose to keep the pregnancy, it may take longer to feel excited. Needing extra time to accept the pregnancy does not mean that you will be a bad mother. Give yourself permission to take some time to work through your feelings.

If you choose to continue with your pregnancy but are having a hard time feeling excited, you may benefit from listing the reasons why you are excited about your pregnancy and what you are looking forward to. You can also begin the process of planning for a baby, which can help build excitement.

4. Reach out to nonjudgmental support

Getting support can help you cope with an unplanned pregnancy. Some women may find it hard to open up about how they’re feeling because of concern about judgement from other people. It’s important to find non-judgemental sources of support. If you have any friends or family that you feel will be supportive, open, and unlikely to judge, criticize, or shame you, then it may help to open up to these people about what you’re going through. Talking about your feelings can help you realize that these feelings are normal and okay. 

If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings with someone you know, you can also seek out other forms of support:

Phone support

The All-Options Talkline is a free and confidential support line where you can talk freely about your pregnancy options and get help in making a decision. The Talkline is open to anyone in the United States and Canada. You can reach the Talkline at 1-888-493-0092.

Postpartum Support International (PSI) is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to providing support, training, and advocacy for perinatal mental health. They offer a confidential phone and text hotline where you can speak with a volunteer about your pregnancy. You can call 1-800-944-4773 or send a text message to 503-894-9453. They also offer help in Spanish. 

Support groups

Support groups are another option which allows you to talk to other women who are in similar positions. You may be able to find local face-to-face support groups in your area through word of mouth, a referral from your OB-GYN or therapist, or by conducting a search on PSI’s provider directory. PSI also offers online perinatal support groups. These groups are available for pregnant and postpartum women. They are led by a trained professional and offered several days per week. 

5. Seek professional help

If you’re feeling very sad, anxious, or emotional, you may benefit from getting professional help. This may mean speaking with a counselor or therapist individually or in a group. Therapy and counseling provide a safe space for you to talk about and work through how you’re feeling, while getting support and learning new ways to handle your emotions. 

Therapists that specialize in treating perinatal mood and anxiety disorders are equipped to help you work through your feelings about an unplanned pregnancy. In addition to working with postpartum depression and other emotional issues, they also help treat prenatal depression and anxiety. To find a specialist, you can ask your physician or OB-GYN for a referral, conduct a local online search, or see Postpartum Support International’s provider directory, which provides a listing of local perinatal mental health providers. 

Talking with your partner about an unplanned pregnancy

Talking to your partner about an unplanned pregnancy and coming to an agreement can be challenging, especially if you and your partner feel differently. If you and your partner are having a hard time discussing what to do, consider the following:

Set aside a good time to talk, when both people can focus without distractions.

Be sure that you are alone and have enough time to have an in-depth conversation. 

Establish ground rules for the discussion.

For example, no name-calling, no dismissing the other person’s feelings, and no talking over one another. The goal is for both people to be able to speak about their feelings, concerns, and desires.

Listen non-judgmentally and consider your partner’s point of view.

It can be difficult to sit there and hear how your partner feels when you disagree, but it’s important to respect their right to share their feelings. Avoid dismissing their view right away. Instead, hear what they have to say and take some time to absorb it.

Create a list of options and review them together.

Each partner can take a turn stating what options they would consider. Include all options on the list. 

Each partner should imagine what each option would feel like. Again, do not dismiss your partner’s suggestions without considering it. Ask yourself questions like how would I feel if we chose this and what would my life look like?

Establish a timeline to consider your options before making a decision.

Making hasty decisions can lead to regret and resentment, so it’s best to take some time to think more about your options. Come up with a time-frame to make a decision. This may depend upon how far along you are in the pregnancy. You may have to consult with your OB-GYN to determine what length of time would be reasonable.

If you and your partner continue to struggle to come to an agreement, you may consider seeking couples therapy to help work through your decision. Couples therapy involves meeting with a mental health professional to discuss the challenges in your relationship. A couples therapist will teach you new and healthier ways to communicate with one another and guide you through making a decision. 

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An unplanned pregnancy can bring about many different emotions. There is no right way to respond to pregnancy news. If you’re having a hard time accepting your pregnancy or coming up with a plan, remember to give yourself permission to feel your feelings and seek out more information and support.

The post How To Cope With An Unplanned Pregnancy appeared first on The Mindful Mommy.

The baby blues refer to the period of time after giving birth where a mother may feel sad, anxious, and just not herself. They usually begin within a few days of giving birth and gradually resolve within 1 to 2 weeks. The baby blues are a common experience for women. In fact, around 50 to 80% of new mothers experience them.

Signs of the baby blues include:

• Feeling sad and tearful
• Feeling more worried than usual
• Fatigue
• Difficulty sleeping
• Poor appetite
• Lack of desire to keep up with hygiene
• Lack of interest in activities or hobbies that were previously enjoyed

It’s common for women with the baby blues to cry without knowing why they are feeling sad. It can be very confusing for women to feel like they can’t control their own emotions.

In many cases the baby blues go away on their own without treatment. If you’re feeling down and anxious and have given birth within the past 2 weeks, you may start to feel better soon. However, there are some instances where the baby blues may lead to other problems.

What causes the baby blues?

The baby blues are believed to be caused by a combination of hormonal and lifestyle changes that occur after giving birth. During the postpartum period, there is a drop in estrogen and progesterone levels and an increase in prolactin. At the same time, having a newborn involves a significant shift in routine, sleeping patterns, and overall sense of responsibility. It’s common for new parents to be overwhelmed with emotions about their delivery, new baby, and future. Professionals believe that the baby blues are caused by a combination of these big changes that occur during the postpartum period. 

Can the baby blues lead to postpartum depression?

For some women, the baby blues may lead to a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD), like depression or anxiety. Around 13 to 20% of mothers develop postpartum depression within the first year. Postpartum depression is one type of PMAD. It involves a depressed mood that lasts for more than 2 weeks and begins at any point within the first year of giving birth. It’s accompanied by other symptoms like:

• A loss of interest in activities and hobbies that were once pleasurable
• An increase or decrease in weight or appetite (not related to recent pregnancy)
• Changes in sleeping patterns (either sleeping too much or too little)
• Low energy
• Feeling worthless or guilty without necessarily having a reason to
• Difficulty thinking clearly, concentrating, or making decisions
• Appearing either sluggish or agitated to other people
• Thoughts of death or suicide

Anyone who has a new baby, even fathers and adopted parents, may develop postpartum depression. However, certain risks factors may increase the chances of developing postpartum depression, including:

• Previous history of anxiety or depression
• Experiencing a risky pregnancy and/or delivery
• Having a delivery that differed from what was expected (such as having an emergency cesarean section) 
• Experiencing postpartum complications 
• Younger age of the mother
• Lack of social support from family, friends, and one’s partner
• Certain vitamin deficiencies, including zinc, selenium, and B vitamins
• Sleeping problems

Postpartum depression can be very distressing for parents. We often imagine that having a new baby will bring great joy, not sadness and irritability. Fortunately, postpartum depression is treatable and in some cases even preventable. 

Coping with the baby blues

Most women that experience the baby blues begin to feel better within a few weeks of giving birth. During that time, there are certain steps you can take to help yourself cope more effectively:

Sleep

Finding time to sleep with a newborn is not an easy task, but getting as much sleep as possible during this time will help you recover from the baby blues. If possible, have your partner take over one night feeding so that you can get a longer stretch of sleep. You can also try to rest when the baby does and give yourself permission to put household chores on the back burner for now. 

Eat well

Maintaining a nutritious diet can also help you feel better during this time period. Now is not the time to crash diet, as your body is still recovering from childbirth. If you’re breastfeeding, your body may need around 2,300 to 2,500 calories per day. Aim for a diet filled with fruits, vegetables, protein, and whole grains and limit your consumption of caffeine and alcohol. 

Delegate chores

Don’t feel pressured to maintain a perfect household right now. Try to give yourself permission to not feel guilty if the laundry and dishes pile up. When you have the option, ask for assistance around the house or accept help when it’s offered. 

Communicate with your support system

Many women hide their true feelings after giving birth because they worry how others will perceive them. Keeping your feelings to yourself can cause you to feel isolated, alone, and ashamed. When a loved one asks how you’re doing, try sharing your true feelings. By openly communicating, you may learn that you’re not the only one that has felt this way. Your loved ones may also be more willing to step in to help if they know the truth.

Do an activity that helps you feel “normal”

Having a new baby turns your life upside down overnight. You might wonder if you will ever feel like yourself again. The answer is yes, at some point you will ease into this new role, but the beginning is hard. To make things a little easier, try to do an activity that helps you feel relaxed, whether it be taking a walk, a hot bath, or meditating for a few minutes. This may be something that has helped you in the past or a new activity that you’re willing to try. If you have loved ones available, ask them to help with childcare so you can find time to take care of yourself. 

Remember that your feelings are normal

Mothers who experience the baby blues have a tendency to feel ashamed or embarrassed about how they’re feeling. It helps to remember that these feelings are common and most likely will go away within a few weeks. So take a deep breath and remind yourself that you will not feel this way forever.

The baby blues is a tough time. Taking steps to care for yourself during this time can ease some of the burden and help you recover. While many women recover rather quickly, a portion of women may have a harder time. Fortunately there are different options available for you if you continue to suffer beyond the baby blues.

When should I get help?

The baby blues alone usually resolve with 2 weeks. If you make extra efforts to care for yourself, connect with your support system, and understand that these feelings are normal, you may get better on your own. However, if you suspect that the baby blues are turning into a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD), like postpartum depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or postpartum psychosis, then you should consider seeking professional help. 

How can you tell if it’s more than the baby blues? If you’re experiencing symptoms like sadness, irritability, and anxiety on a regular basis for more than 2 weeks, then you might have another postpartum condition. With the baby blues you may feel distressed and uncomfortable, but in general you can still function. The baby blues does not interfere with your ability to care for your baby or yourself. The baby blues also does not involve suicidal ideation. If your symptoms are severe enough to include suicidal thoughts or urges to hurt yourself or your baby or are interfering with your ability to function, then you may have a PMAD. 

Treatment for a PMAD may include therapy, medication, support groups, or a combination of these options. 

Therapy

Therapy is an effective treatment for PMADs. It involves sitting and speaking with a therapist, who will listen, provide support, and offer alternative ways of thinking about a problem and tools to help you cope. 

There are many different “types” or approaches to therapy available. Some of these have been studied on women dealing with PMADs, while others have been studied on people experiencing depression and anxiety unrelated to having a baby. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and interpersonal therapy are two types of therapy that are shown to be effective for treating postpartum depression. CBT focuses on helping you identify and change your irrational and negative thoughts that are contributing to your depression. Interpersonal therapy focuses on helping you improve your current relationships with other people by teaching communication and conflict resolution skills. 

Medication

Some women who develop a PMAD may benefit from medication, especially if the symptoms are severe or don’t go away after trying other options, like therapy. If you’re interested in medication, you can speak with your primary care physician, OBGYN, or psychiatrist about your options. They will help you weigh the risks and benefits and talk to you about the safety of taking medication while breastfeeding. 

Support groups

Postpartum support groups are a way for new parents to connect with one another on a regular basis. They usually involve a group facilitator, who may be a mental health professional or another parent who has recovered from a PMAD, and a number of group members who all share a particular struggle. These groups are held both in-person and online. 

Support groups are beneficial for a number of reasons. They can help you feel less alone, more understood, and less shame for suffering from a PMAD. Support groups can introduce you to new ways of coping with what you’re feeling, either through being taught new skills or receiving advice from other group members. They can also help you feel more supported by developing connections with other parents.

If you’re interested in finding a local in-person postpartum support group, you can conduct an online search for support groups in your area or search Postpartum Support International’s (PSI) online directory, which includes a listing of local support groups. You can also consider asking your OBGYN, pediatrician, psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist if they can provide you with a referral. 

For access to online postpartum support groups, see PSI’s online meetings. They offer support for new parents, NICU parents, military members, and parents who have suffered a loss. 

The post How to Cope with the Baby Blues appeared first on The Mindful Mommy.

Bonding is the experience of connecting with another person. Parent-infant bonding or attachment is the unique connection that mothers and fathers have with their babies. It evolves when a parent provides love, safety, comfort, and food to their baby over a period of time. Bonding and close attachment spark the release of hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, which are also known as the “happy chemicals.” They are responsible for helping parents and infants experience greater closeness with one another. 

Many psychologists, including John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, have extensively studied the process of attachment. Ainsworth carried out a famous study called the Strange Situation, during which she studied the attachment styles of infants around 12 months old and their mothers. She observed how the infants responded to the mother when she left the infant alone a the room and then later returned. Ainsworth noted the following attachment styles:

• Securely attached babies used their mothers as a safe base to explore their world. She found that parents of securely attached babies are attuned to their needs and respond when their babies are in distress. When these babies are upset, they are usually easily calmed by their parents.
• Insecure avoidant babies tend to be overly independent when their parents are present and reject the support of their parents while in distress.
• Insecure ambivalent babies tend to show conflicting feelings toward their parents. At times they may be clingy or overly dependent and other times rejecting of their parents. 

When parents learn of the different attachment styles, they may become concerned about whether they have a secure attachment with their children. Ainsworth found that the majority of mothers and babies that she studied did have a secure attachment. Furthermore, attachment is a process that evolves over time, so it is never too late to enhance the parent-child bond.

How can I develop a secure attachment with my baby?

It is common for it to take several days, weeks, or months to feel a bond with your baby. At first your baby may feel like a stranger, but over time many parents develop a sense of closeness with their children. 

The most effective ways to develop a secure attachment with your baby are for you to respond to your baby’s cues, do your best to soothe them, and manage your own stress. This means taking actions when your baby is hungry, tired, or has a wet diaper. When your baby is fussy or upset, you should do what you can to try to calm them down. The 5 S’s are a popular and effective technique for calming fussy newborns. Of course these techniques will not always work and sometimes your baby may continue to fuss no matter what you do. During these times it’s important to remain calm, avoid beating yourself up, and remember that you are doing your best. By being present for your baby, you are showing them that they can depend on you. 

Tips for bonding with your baby

• Take care of yourself

It can be very challenging to develop a relationship with your new baby if you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. It is important that you do your best to get adequate rest, nutrition, and some form of exercise. This can be difficult for many new parents and involves planning. When possible, delegate non-essential tasks, like grocery store runs, cleaning, and errands, to other people so you have more time to practice self-care.

• Make time for skin-to-skin

Skin-to-skin contact with your baby offers a range of health and emotional benefits for mothers, fathers, and babies. It causes a release of oxytocin and other “feel good” hormones and can help aid the mother in recovery from childbirth. Good opportunities for skin-to-skin contact include right after giving birth, during breastfeeding, or while just relaxing. It is also an effective way to soothe and calm your baby when they are fussy. 

• Limit your use of technology

Technology, whether it be television, your phone, or another electronic device, can serve as a distraction from bonding with your baby. Try to set limits around your use of technology. For example, you can consider only answering emails, texts, phone calls, and scrolling through social media during a specific time of day.

• Schedule time in your day to connect with your baby

It’s easy to get swept up in work or household chores, but no activity is more important than “just being” with your baby. If you’re finding it hard to squeeze in bonding time, consider scheduling it into your day. You can use this time to rock your baby, give them a bath, sing songs, or take a walk outside. Make sure you’re both able to make eye contact and touch and put away all electronics and distractions. 

FAQ

What if I don’t feel connected to my baby?

Difficulty bonding with a new baby is a  fairly common experience reported by new parents. There can be many different explanations for this, including the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a newborn, sleep deprivation, and the postpartum blues. The postpartum blues affect more than half of new mothers and involve tearfulness, irritability, and mild sadness. They typically resolve within the first month, but some women go on to develop a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder, which can also affect their attachment experience. If you’re continuing to struggle with bonding after the first month, you may benefit from speaking with a mental health professional, who can assess you for a postpartum mood or anxiety disorder. If you do have a disorder, there are many options available for treatment, including individual therapy, support groups, and medication. 

How can I help my partner bond with our child?

Sometimes bonding comes more naturally for one parent than it does for another. If you find that your partner is struggling to bond with your baby, try to be empathic and supportive. They may feel badly about this, so you will want to avoid making them feel worse. If your partner is having a hard time, try:

• Reminding them that bonding and attachment are a process over time and rarely happen right away.
• Pointing out what they are doing well as a parent.
• Offering to take over more household chores or tasks so that they can schedule bonding time.
• Asking about their own self-care routine and if they are getting enough sleep.
• Finding bonding activities to do together as a family

Fathers may also suffer from paternal postpartum depression after birth. If you suspect that your partner’s struggle to bond is due to an underlying mental health condition, you may want to communicate your concerns and encourage them to consider speaking with someone. 

Will my other children feel left out if I bond with my baby?

Introducing a newborn into your family can cause your other children to feel a range of emotions. Some children may respond with excitement, while others may feel rejected or angry.

It is very normal if your other children are having negative feelings about your newborn and sharing your attention. Children typically bond through play, so you can help support a connection between your baby and older children by encouraging play between them.

There will be times when you may be overwhelmed with having to meet the needs of your children. During moments like this, imagine yourself as a nurse or doctor triaging patients in the emergency room. Quickly assess which child needs your attention first. If one child is in potential danger, attend to them first. Next attend to the ones that need their basic needs for food, sleep, or bathroom met. All other requests can usually wait. Explain that sometimes one child will get mommy or daddy’s attention first, while the others will have to wait. Acknowledge that this can be very frustrating at times. Depending upon your children’s age and maturity, they may or may not understand this, but you are still modeling healthy communication, patience, and calm.

It is important to remember that just because your children are struggling to connect with each other right now, does not mean that it will last forever. Many older children initially struggle to bond with their siblings, only to develop better relationships as they grow older. 

Additional resources:

For more information about bonding and attachment, see the following resources:

• “Bonding with your baby” by KidsHealth
• “Bonding with your baby” by ChildWelfare.gov

The post Bonding With Your Newborn appeared first on The Mindful Mommy.

Ask children how they feel. 

Elementary-aged students (K-5) are the least informed about what is occurring right now. At the same time, they are very likely to remember how they felt during this difficult time. Maintaining composure in front of younger children, therefore, is crucial. Explain to them what is happening using age-appropriate language, but emphasize that you as the parent will protect them during this time. Homeschooling may be the most challenging for this age group, so it is recommended to take an active role in their education.

Middle school-aged students (6-8) may also struggle with this transition to homeschooling. They may feel happy to be out of school and resist doing virtual assignments. This age level will want to socialize with friends. Allow them to schedule electronic and social media time to stay in touch with peers, but keep it limited to specific hours. This age group is likely to have had experience with online avenues of learning. They may resist doing work or need the distraction. Ask them if they’re struggling with school work and offer your help as much as they are open to it.

High school-aged students (9-12) understand what is happening the most and are likely to exhibit the highest levels of anxiety. For some high school students, school closures take away special opportunities like sports, socializing with friends, and special once-in-a-lifetime events like prom and graduation. It is important that they feel understood by you. Listen to them, but don’t offer advice or say it’s okay: it might not be, and they need to be heard. 

Ask for their help with cooking, laundry, and other skill-building activities.

Involving them in your everyday tasks will not only give them a sense of purpose during these uncertain times, but will teach them important life skills. Emphasize to them that this is not a punishment. Frame daily chores as something that we all have to do during the day to distract from what’s going on. Praise them for their help and laugh when they make mistakes. Ask them to come up with a fun project, such as making cookies. They may not remember reviewing fractions at home, but they will always remember learning how to cook during the quarantine.

Allow them to work with friends virtually.

The social component of school is especially important for middle and high school students. Missing out on seeing friends will be most devastating for these age groups. Find a time where your children can work with friends on homework assignments or collaborate on a project outside of school using virtual means, like the telephone, video chat, or Zoom.

Create a structured homeschooling schedule for everyone.

Between adults working from home and children doing school assignments, it is easy to fall into negative habits. Compromise on a wake-up time for everyone in the house, eat meals together, and set time frames for work and leisure. Post the schedule on the refrigerator and follow it on weekdays. This sense of normalcy will help you and your children cope with the changes. While each family has its own necessities, below is a recommended schedule:

7:30 AM: Wake up and cook breakfast together

8:00 AM: Eat breakfast

8:30 AM: School/ Work

10:30 AM: Snack break

10:45 AM: School/ Work

12:00 PM: Lunch and leisure

1:00 PM: Active time (Family walk, playing outside, workout, etc.)

2:00 PM: School/ Work

4:00 PM: Leisure 

5:30 PM: Cook dinner together

7:00 PM: Eat dinner together

8:00 PM: Family leisure time (Watching movies, board games, video games, etc.

Listen to and create music together.

Music can be utilized in many ways by children of all ages. With your young children, give them opportunities to sing or play instruments as a family. Use nursery rhymes, singing games, and finger play activities to engage them in fun learning. Songs for Teaching is a good resource for some ideas.

Ask your middle and high school children what music they are listening to for pleasure. Show an interest in their music, even if you don’t personally like it. Music is a form of expression, especially for older children. Ask them why they like the song that they are listening to; what about this song helps you feel relaxed? Listening to calming music can help lower children’s anxiety. During school hours, play quiet music in the background to help improve your child’s focus. Involve yourself in their musical taste and share your favorite music with them. Create a family playlist on Spotify, Apple Music, or another music sharing app. Music can help bond your family during this difficult time. 

If your children were previously involved in music, encourage them to continue playing their instruments and singing. Lack of regular instruction can be detrimental to your child’s musical progress. 

These are very uncertain times for parents, children, and educators. Your children may not always remember what they learned from their virtual assignments, but they will never forget how they felt. Creating positive experiences for them will help them cope with their own feelings, while also allowing family bonding opportunities. 

Jennifer Triolo is a K-12 music educator in the Herricks School District on Long Island, NY and the Executive Director of the Long Island Children’s Choir.

The post Homeschooling Children during the Coronavirus Outbreak appeared first on The Mindful Mommy.

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that starts in childhood and can continue into adulthood. It affects around 5 to 7% of children and is the most commonly diagnosed neurodevelopmental disorder. Children with ADHD may struggle with attention, focus, and impulsivity, which can affect their performance in school and relationships with teachers, parents, siblings, and peers. 

There are three types of ADHD: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, and combined types. For a child to have ADHD, they must show at least six signs of a specific type for at least 6 months. 

Signs of inattentive type in children include:

• Being easily distracted.
• Not listening when spoken to.
• Difficulty keep attention on tasks or while playing. 
• Easily losing things, like schoolwork, toys, and electronic devices.
• Forgetfulness.
• Not paying close attention to details and making careless mistakes.
• Difficulty organizing.
• Not following directions or finishing tasks or chores. 
• Avoiding or resisting tasks that require mental effort, like homework. 

Signs of hyperactive-impulsive type in children include:

• Fidgeting, squirming, or  tapping hands or feet more than what is age-appropriate.
• Running or climbing in situations where it is inappropriate.
• Trouble remaining seated in places where it is required, like school. 
• Always “on the go” and running around. 
• Unable to complete tasks or play quietly. 
• Difficulty waiting their turn. 
• Talks more than other children.
• Blurts out answers before a question has been asked.
• Interrupts others without realizing. 

Children may show signs of both types, but their diagnosis will depend upon if they show more signs of one type. If children show an equal combination of both types, then they may have the combined type. 

What if I suspect my child has ADHD?

If you think that your child may have ADHD, you can start by speaking with your child’s pediatrician. Explain the behaviors that you are seeing and how it is negatively affecting them in different parts of their life, like at home, school, and in their relationships with adults and peers. Your child’s pediatrician may provide a referral to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or neurologist, who can conduct an evaluation.

An ADHD evaluation may take place over one or more visits and typically takes several hours. The evaluator may have parents, teachers, coaches, and other adults who interact with the child complete different questionnaires and rating scales. This can help give the evaluator a better sense of the child’s behavior. An evaluator will gather information about a child’s developmental history, school performance, and physical and mental health. The child will also be given different tests to measure intelligence, achievement, and behavior.

It can be very difficult to hear that your child has ADHD, but fortunately there are many different options for help. You can take steps to help your child cope with their inattention or impulsivity, support their strengths, and help them thrive.

Parenting and ADHD

Parenting a child with ADHD is challenging. You may find that what works with one of your children does not work with another. Here are some tips to guide you:

Discipline consistently.

When you discipline your child, explain why your child’s behavior is bad and redirect them to something better. For example, if your child is jumping on the bed, you would provide a brief explanation of why their behavior is dangerous and guide them toward an activity where they can be active without the risk of harm. Note that this approach is different from punishment, where you take away something from your child. Punishment is necessary in some cases if your child continues to not listen. However, punishment should never involve physical harm or name-calling. 

Don’t always assume your child is misbehaving. 

Some symptoms of ADHD, including difficulty focusing and controlling impulses, are normal for certain age groups. It can be helpful to read up on different developmental stages, so you can have a better understanding of what is age-appropriate behavior. For example, temper tantrums are common among toddlers and may not be an indication of a behavioral problem. Refrain from assuming that all negative behaviors are related to ADHD. 

Encourage participation in sports, hobbies, and other recreational activities. 

Try to make an effort to encourage your child’s strengths, whether it is sports, art, technology, or something else. When you have to implement punishment, try to avoid restricting these activities. Children with ADHD can especially benefit from staying active, which may help release their energy and allow them to develop connections with other kids.

Point out their successes. 

You may be so focused on correcting your child’s misbehaviors, that you forget to praise and reward their good behaviors. Try to take an inventory of how many negative versus positive comments you make toward your child. Make an effort to express more positive than negative, which can help your child build healthy self-esteem and pride. 

Model appropriate behavior. 

Remember that your child is watching and modeling your behavior. Make an effort to display the self-control that you expect of them. This means dealing with your own frustration and anger when your child misbehaves, rather than exploding.

Don’t take your child’s behavior personally.

When your child is misbehaving, it’s normal to feel frustrated and angry. However, remind yourself that they are not doing it intentionally to upset you. ADHD is a condition that affects your child’s ability to control their behavior. The next time you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re doing your best. 

Treatment for childhood ADHD

In some cases, you or your child may need more support to deal with ADHD. Medication and therapy are two popular options for helping families learn to live and function effectively with ADHD. 

Medication

Depending upon the severity of your child’s ADHD, their psychiatrist or neurologist may suggest medication. Stimulants are the most widely prescribed medication for ADHD. They work by increasing dopamine levels in the brain, which is a chemical that is linked to attention, motivation, and movement. Stimulants are available in immediate-release and extended-release forms. 

There are also non-stimulant options for ADHD medication. Non-stimulant ADHD medications alter different neurotransmitters in the brain. They may be an option for children who don’t respond well to stimulants. 

It is important to note that medication does not permanently treat ADHD. It can relieve some of the symptoms while the medication is present in the bloodstream. However, once the medication wears off, the symptoms can return. Combining medication with therapy is beneficial because it allows the child and family to work on changing the negative behavior. 

Therapy

Therapy for childhood ADHD can help children and their families function more effectively. Behavior therapy is the treatment of choice for children with ADHD. This type of therapy can help parents better understand their child’s behavior, increase positive and reduce negative behaviors, and improve their performance in school. 

Behavior therapy teaches parents how to discipline their children effectively through implementing structure, positive reinforcement, punishment, and withdrawing attention. Parents have the opportunity to practice these skills in front of a therapist, who can provide the parent with feedback. Families may be given “homework” to help them implement skills at home. Parents can learn how to implement these techniques consistently and may gradually see an improvement in their child’s behavior. 

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under age 6 with ADHD participate in behavior therapy before trying medication. Behavior therapy is as effective as medication in young children. Children under 6 may also be more likely to experience side effects and long-term effects from ADHD medications. The AAP also suggests that children ages 6 and over who are receiving medication also participate in behavior therapy. 

When seeking behavior therapy for your child, look for a mental health provider that specializes in working with children with behavioral issues. For more information on local providers, you can speak with your child’s pediatrician or see Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), which offers an online directory of ADHD treatment providers. 

Resources

• Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) offers information for people with ADHD and their families. The organization publishes a blog, magazine, weekly newsletter, and podcasts with the latest information on the condition. You can also access online support and a directory of local resources.
• ADDitude provides information on ADHD symptoms, treatment, and parenting tips from experts. You can access downloads, newsletters, discussion forums, webinars, and a podcast. They also publish a seasonal magazine on how to live and function with ADHD. 
• Child Mind Institute offers an in-depth guide for parents on understanding and caring for a child with ADHD.
• The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a resource for anyone with a mental health condition and their loved ones. The organization provides information on ADHD and ways to cope with the condition, as well as access to discussion groups.   

The post Parenting a Child with ADHD appeared first on The Mindful Mommy.

Types of pregnancy losses

Chemical pregnancy

A chemical pregnancy is the earliest type of pregnancy loss you can experience. This type of loss occurs within the first few weeks of pregnancy. Some women have a positive at-home pregnancy test, only to find out that they are not pregnant when they have an ultrasound at the OBGYN. Some women may experience bleeding and cramping, but others do not have any symptoms. 

Miscarriage

A miscarriage is a loss that happens during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy. The risk of a miscarriage is highest during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy and decreases thereafter. 

Stillbirth

A stillbirth is a loss that occurs after 20 weeks of pregnancy. It is further divided into early (20 to 27 weeks), late (28 to 36 weeks), and term stillbirth (after 37 weeks). 

What are the signs of a miscarriage?

The signs of a loss can vary depending upon how far along you are in your pregnancy. Common symptoms of a miscarriage include abdominal cramping, pelvic cramping, and vaginal bleeding. If you suspect that you may be having or have had a miscarriage, your doctor will conduct an ultrasound and check your human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) hormone levels. If you think that you may be experiencing a miscarriage, seek medical attention right away. 

What are the causes of a miscarriage?

The risk of a loss is most common during the first trimester and then significantly decreases after a pregnancy reaches 15 weeks. There can be many different causes of a miscarriage, but the most comon is chromonosonal abnormalities in the developing embryo or fetus. Both a sperm and egg contribute 23 chromosomes during fertilization, which pair up with one another. If something goes wrong during this process, a chromosomal abnormality may occur. Some chromosomal abnormalities can survive, like in the case of down syndrome, but others cannot continue to develop. This can lead to a pregnancy loss. 

Certain maternal factors can also increase the risk of a miscarriage, including older age, thyroid problems, diabetes, smoking, excessive caffeine use, and poor nutrition. If you’re concerned about your risk for a miscarriage, speak with your OBGYN and/or reproductive endocrinoogist. 

The emotional impact of a loss

Pregnancy loss can have a significant emotional impact on families. Experiencing a miscarriage can lead to grief, depression, and anxiety. 

Grief and depression 

Parents who experience a pregnancy loss may develop grief that can turn into depression. Grief is a common emotional response to a loss. It involves emotions like sadness, shock, and anger. Many people who develop grief after a loss initially have a hard time, but slowly start to accept the loss and return to their previous level of functioning. Other people may go on to develop depression. Signs that you or a loved one may be depressed include:

• Feeling down most days for a large portion of the day
• Feeling less interested in things that were once enjoyable
• Changes in weight or appetite
• Feeling more tired than usual
• Thoughts of suicide

Anxiety

Anxiety is excessive worry that interferes with many areas of a person’s life. It is a common response to a miscarriage. After a pregnancy loss, parents may become preoccupied with thoughts about what happened or what could happen in the future. For example, it’s common for the mother to blame herself and also fear future miscarriages. Anxiety can range from mild to severe and can affect your appetite, sleep, energy level, and ability to focus. 

If you’re dealing with anxiety following a pregnancy loss, you may find yourself having negative thoughts that are irrational. For example, you may blame yourself for the loss despite your doctor telling you that it was not your fault. It can be difficult to let go of these thoughts, even when people tell you that they are false. Read on to learn ways to cope with the emotional impact of miscarriage. 

Grieving your loss

Grief is a painful process that is unique to each person. There is no correct way to feel or deal with grief. Mental health professionals refer to the stages of grief, which include:

Denial

During denial, you may experience shock, confusion, and numbness. You may try to avoid thinking about the loss and resist accepting that it is real. 

Anger

The anger stage involves frustration and rage. Your anger may be directed toward yourself or others.

Bargaining

During bargaining, you may find yourself thinking “what if?.” You may think about the loss over and over and wonder how it could have been prevented. 

Depression

Depression happens when you acknowledge that the loss is real. As a result, you may feel sad, hopeless, and disconnected from yourself and others. 

Acceptance

The goal following a loss is to come to a point of acceptance, where you can acknowledge that the loss has happened and changed you, but you can begin to work toward moving forward. It does not mean that you are okay with what happened, but rather that you feel a bit more at ease and can imagine living a meaningful life despite this loss.

As you deal with your grief, you may go through one, some, or all of these stages. You may even go through them in a different order than they are presented. There is no right way to grieve a loss, but there are ways that you can help yourself cope. 

Coping with a pregnancy loss

When you experience a pregnancy loss, you are robbed of your opportunity to bond with your baby. It can be helpful to find some way that feels good to you to honor your baby. Different approaches work for different families. It is most important that you feel comfortable with the way you choose to honor your child. 

Some possible ways you might honor your baby include:

• Make or dedicate something in memory of your child. Some women choose to wear a piece of jewelry dedicated to their baby or plant a memorial tree or flower in their garden. 
• Write a letter to your child. This can be an opportunity to express your love to your baby and any other thoughts or feelings you may have.
• Donate or do work for a charity close to your heart. You may choose a charitable organization that helps families dealing with pregnancy loss, miscarriage, or stillbirth, or you may choose another charity that is meangingful to you.
•  Keep your ultrasound photos in a special place. You may decide to frame them, create a memory box, or display them in some other way. 
• Hold a ceremony to honor your child. Depending upon when your pregnancy loss occurs, you may be offered the opportunity to cremate or bury your baby. Each state differs in their regulations, but do not hesitate to ask your provider or hospital about your rights. Even if you cannot hold a formal ceremony, you may be able to find another way to honor your baby.

There is no right or wrong way to cope with a miscarriage or stillbirth. You may choose one, all, or none of the suggestions above. Either way, remember that your grief is valid. If you find that speaking with family and friends is not enough to cope with your loss, you may consider other sources of support.

Support groups

Support groups for families affected by miscarriage and pregnancy loss are avaliable in-person and online. They can provide you with an opportunity to share your experiences with other family members experiencing similar feelings. Many families report that they feel as if they can’t openly talk about the loss as they would if they had given birth. Loved ones may also make comments that can feel insensitive, like “it was meant to be” or “you just need to move on.” Support groups provide a forum to openly express a range of feelings about what you’re going through, whether it be anger, hurt, jealousy, or shame. 

Face-to-face support

• Postpartum Support International (PSI) provides a directory of local face-to-face support groups that you can narrow down by speciality. There is an option to search for grief support groups. 
• You can also search Psychology Today for local therapists that offer a pregnancy loss support group. 

Online support

• SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support offers an online chat for people coping with pregnancy loss and pregnancy after a loss. The organization also hosts several online bereavement support groups, including one in Spanish. 

Resources

For more information on pregnancy loss, see the following organizations:

• SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support offers information, resources, and support for anyone dealing with grief and loss related to pregnancy or infancy. The site also provides information in Spanish. 

• Unspoken Grief includes articles related to miscarriage and pregnancy loss. You can use the site to hear others’ stories or share one of your own. 

• Still Standing Magazine features personal stories on pregnancy loss, child loss, and infertility. The site offers the opportunity to read and share. 

• The Miscarriage Association is based in the UK and offers information, personal stories, and online support.

• Pregnancy After Loss Support provides online, local, and emergency support for mothers who are pregnant after experiencing a loss. 

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